RJF at 70

“How ya been, Rich?”

“Don’t do that. Not today.”

“You’re right. Sorry. Happy Birthday, old man.”

“Thanks, kid.”

“Seventy today, huh?”

“So they say. Been thirty-nine for a long time.”

“I know. Sorry I didn’t come around for more of ‘em.”

“You did what you had to do. You’re here now, right? You’re older than me.”

“Just the way it works, I guess. How you gonna celebrate?”

“The Lakers won that series last night, right? Passed out and missed it. Probably a pack’uh smokes, comic books, some spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. Nothing too crazy.”

“Can’t mess with a good thing. Wait…smokes?”

“Can’t kill me anymore.”

“Respect the commitment. Sometimes I wish I had that Camel leather jacket you got with all your points. Shoulda gotten a Camel couch and a Camel canoe, too.”

“Shut up. Kool didn’t give you anything when you smoked?”

“What? Some branded mouthwash or breath mints? An honorary NAACP card? Yer a funny fucker.”

“Good to hear ya curse. You wearin’ a fuckin’ Knicks hat?”

“Yeah. Wanna see ’em win one. You know, they have the team. Brunny and KAT and the boys can go all the way.”

“Maybe. I’ll allow it. Anything’s better than cheering for the Celtics.”

“No doubt. Dogwood are in full bloom. Beautiful even on a drizzly day.”

“No complaints about the view.”

“Forgot I had to turn down Harrison Street to see my favorite Friday. Bugged me out for a second.”

“My son, Mr. Hyphen. Regret not wearing two pairs’uh socks?”

“They’re sitting on my bed. Didn’t seem cold enough and now my feet are soaked. By the way, I called Gramma a little after I got here. She said hello.”

“I miss her. Miss ’em all, of course.”

“Told her to tell me a couple favorite stories about you.”

“What’d she say?”

“Loves reminding me how you were class president and how popular and well-liked you were. And Jim, too. Admitted you were more introverted than him. Said how great your speech was to the graduating class. She remembers that time so vividly.”

“Loved being her son. Plus, not to pat myself on the back, but that was a good speech.”

“I’m sure. She also brought up how happy it continues to make her that all six of you guys got along so well. She thanked God for it.”

“I bet she did. Had one another’s backs no matter what. She still finishing a couple puzzles by noon?”

“The sports stuff trips her up without Gramp around. Drives her nuts, actually. Couple empty squares can be haunting for a completist. You know how she is.”

“Sure do. You get her for more than a couple minutes?”

“Little longer than usual, but not by much. Probably wanted me to enjoy the time with you.”

“All those photos still above your grandfather’s desk in the dining room?”

“You know it. She tried to give me yours when I saw her for Christmas. She had a duplicate, but I felt wrong about it. Said I’d grab it when the time was right.”

“Good man. A Fridee tradition.”

“Still sayin’ it wrong, huh?”

“It’s my name, too. I’ll say it how I wanna say it.”

“Funny thing about that photo. All my female friends think you’re a dreamboat. I tell ’em your mole was airbrushed out. Like it matters, right?”

“Mattered to you.”

“Man, that time you shaved when I was a kid still haunts me.”

“Don’t make me laugh too hard. The ground’ll shake.”

“I’m into it!”

“Sadist. Speaking of women, how’s yer mother?”

“Oh, you know. Hot and cold. Currently on another break with her.”

“Not that easy, huh? I been there.”

“Can be tough. Haunts me sometimes. Just wanna get along and let my pride get in the way. Learned it from her. Not an excuse, but also an excuse.”

“Like fighting with that part of yourself you can’t fix?”

“Can’t think of a better way to put it, Pop.”

“You just say ‘puddin’ pop’?”

“Wanted to see whatcha did with it. I miss the jokes we never got to share.”

“Me, too. Keep her in your heart. It’ll work itself out. Has to. She loves ya, buddy. Put me through hell sometimes to show it, but she meant it.”

“I know. Don’t like to talk about it too much. Starts to bum me out. Was easier when Sue could talk me through it for the millionth time, ya know?”

“How ya doin’ with that? Seem to be holding up okay overall.”

“I remember her mission to stay positive and be happy and share that with others. Loved ones and strangers, they matter just the same. Tough mission to live up to every day, though.”

“Gotta give it your all regardless. You’ll win more of ’em than you lose.”

“You read that on a billboard?”

“Always with the sarcasm when it gets too real.”

“I know. May never fix that. Mostly doing alright. Still miss her most around Labor Day. Was when we moved in together. The beginning of the end, or something like that.”

“Something like that.”

“You ever run into her?”

“Can’t get into the particulars. In the contract you sign when this happens. All I can say is that she’s out west most of the time. Likes spending her birthday in Georgia, though. Guess she knows you’re more open to surprises that time of year.”

“Earthly responsibilities are eternal, huh?”

“Said all I can say. Still not willing to believe, I assume.”

“Can’t convince me that God’s anything more than proof that the strongest thing in this world is the imagination. Gotta look within to process what’s outside. I believe in people.”

“Fair enough. Not looking to argue. But bud, you gotta decide if you wanna take a chance on love again. I’m biased, but I think there’s a lot in your favor. Keep doing what you do.”

“You tried three times.”

“The last time was it. Wasn’t perfect but it never will be. It was enough, and I mean that in a good way. How’re she and the boys doing?”

“Funny you ask because I couldn’t find you at first. Thought the stone was in the ground, not elevated. Had to call Dave. He’d been by last week and gave me specific coordinates. Still took another ten minutes, but I found ya.”

“Tell him you got your mother’s sense of direction?”

“Yes, sir! Although she’s apt to get lost in her own house.”

“What was Dave up to?”

“Coaching Ben’s baseball game. Ben’s a catcher like Dave and I were. Told him we should get a meal together soon. Haven’t seen him since he got married twenty years ago.”

“Big day to bring you two back together. Not in touch with them?”

“Nah. No hard feelings, though.”

“What’re you doing right now?”

“Writing a note to self for later. So I don’t forget.”

“Writing like Owen did?”

“Can’t write clean like he did. He was all clear windows. But I follow his lead. True and from the heart.”

“Not work that way?”

“Oh, it is, but it’s the best kind. Have to do it for myself first, and no one else. For the love of the game, as they say. I needto do it.”

“In the bloodline. What else’re you into?”

“The little things. Making the cashier at the grocery store laugh. Taking walks. Bread and butter. The stuff that gets ya through.”

“And all those damn records.”

“Got that collecting itch from you, ya bastard.”

“Wasn’t a criticism. Good to build something meaningful for yourself. Hey! You hear that?”

“Some assholes on motorcycles. They love letting you know they’re around.”

“Remember that one ride I took you on? Christ, you were terrified.”

“Not my bag. Open to trying anything once…with some exceptions.”

“No snake holding or skiing in your future?”

“Lady boys in Thailand, though…”

“I dare you!”

“Don’t do that. Way too much of a sucker for a challenge. Not that much of a sucker, though. Pardon the phrasing.”

“Ha! Since it’s my birthday, name a few favorite memories of us together.”

“Oh, man. When we saw Home Alone in the theater. You were laughing so hard, cry-laughing for most of it. I keep a stub on the fridge in honor of that day. Same when we went to Mrs. Doubtfire.”

“See how much of an influence I had on your taste in movies? Hard to believe you turned out the way you did. Fuckin’ Iranian movie poster in your house. Who are you?”

“Like I said, sucker for a challenge. Grew up getting familiar with being uncomfortable. The foreign became comfortable. Gave me self-esteem as well.”

“I like your perspective there, guy. What else ya got?”

“Delivering the papers. Us listening to the radio, getting out, grabbing a stack, and meeting up on the next street. Made me believe in teamwork and uniting to achieve a goal before I knew it was something worth caring about.”

“Happy to hear that. What about that time you got stung, though?”

“Got stung twice! By the same bee!”

“You were screaming like a lunatic. At 5 a.m.!”

“Well, it fuckin’ hurt, man.”

“I know it did. Didn’t wanna wake any good tippers. You understand.”

“Now I do. Still think of you whenever I hear ‘American Pie.’ Morning deejay playing it while he took a smoke break and a dump is how you put it to me, I think.”

“I’m sure it was a little classier than that. You and your blue streak.”

“Gonna go to Shady Glen after this. Get the Bernice platter in honor of those trips we used to take once the route was done. No place on this planet with better coleslaw. Scoop of grape nut, too.”

“Yer such an old man, kid.”

“Irony and such.”

“Yeah, knew that was coming the second I said it.”

“Building that LEGO space station with you comes to mind. Watching Looney Tunes and the first three Star Wars movies, especially Return of the Jedi. The handful of my Little League games you attended. When you introduced me to MJ.”

“Kills me to say it, but he was better than Kareem or Magic. These kids don’t know what they’re missing.”

“Trust me. Had it out with my buddy’s son in the car recently. Trying to tell me LeBron’s the best ever despite the flopping.”

“Embarrassing stuff. Disrespectful to the game. Not what Coach McGuire stood for, anyway.”

“Amen. Miss watching you write your signature. Big blob of bullshit. Loved it every time you wrote it.”

“Oh, yeah! Forgot about that. You were fascinated by it.”

“Looked like you had a controlled seizure. Was the same each time. Made no sense to me. Still doesn’t. Don’t know how you did it.”

“Rehearsed sloppiness. Way to pass the time one day at a shit job. The stuff they can’t teach ya.”

“Gotta ask you somethin’, Dad.”

“Shoot.”

“Were you depressed?”

“I’m not sure that’s the right word.”

“What is?”

“I had dreams like everyone has dreams. Wished I was a little bit taller.”

“Wish you had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a ’64 Impala?”

“Could slap you for that, doofus. I wanted to play ball as long as I could. Like you wanna wake up every day and write for eight hours. You’ve still got a better chance than me, but you’ve gotta make the most of it. It’s about balance.”

“So, were you?”

“I was going through a new phase. Lost my job. Was unsure of myself. Truthfully, didn’t intend to have two kids. Won’t pretend I was great at fatherhood.”

“Think you would’ve shined as we got older?”

“I like to hope so. Was easier the second time. More idea of what to expect, plus someone else to help me firsthand. Different set of circumstances. Not blaming anyone, to be clear.”

“Love the self-awareness. Makes sense to me.”

“Assume you have summore uncomfortable questions, right?”

“How come you didn’t have many friends?”

“I dunno, man. I liked solitude. Reading, watching a game or a movie, smoking and thinking. Had a big family, like we said earlier. They were my friends.”

“Right. That house is magical. I miss Thanksgiving. Best kinship I ever knew. Have a photo of you and me sitting in the rocker on my fridge. Big, goofy smiles. My lips are chapped to the quick. Would kill to go back and lick ’em again like a fool.”

“Bet you’d like to kill that beagle next door to you, huh?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Almost as fun as watching the Derby in a few hours?”

“The pony slave races, you mean? Imagine if after NBA players retired, they got moved from stable to stable for years to impregnate women to give us the gift of future hardcourt all-stars?”

“Secretly why I wanted to be one! You plan that line in advance?”

“I won’t tell! You become a UConn cheerleader for carnal reasons?”

“Ball before ballin’.”

“Sign to Def Jam down there?”

“You and your absurd sense of humor. You’re a trip.”

“You’re a stubbed toe.”

“Idiot.”

“Thank you, sir. How do you feel about spending all of eternity here in ManchVegas? Think you belong in Torrington?”

“I’m okay with it. Got the empty space next to me when my back starts bothering me, at least. Makes me feel at peace that she’s not gonna stare at the stars with me until it all ends.”

“Love the perspective. Was gonna go find my grandfather after this. Now too afraid I’ll get lost a second time. Another man I wish I got to know better.”

“Your mother was over there not too long ago. Been even longer for her without the old man.”

“A source of constant sorrow. Took losing Sue to properly empathize. Sucks how life has to work that way.”

“Everything that matters takes time. Gift and a curse. Yeah, yeah, clichés cuz they’re true. How’s the bladder holding up?”

“Getting close.”

“Think there’s a porta potty over yonder.”

“Over yonder?”

“Sometimes it’s too easy with you. What do you think we would’ve done together if I’d stuck around?”

“Think about it more than I care to admit. Simple stuff. Watching a game and splitting a pie. Nothing too heady.”

“Did me dying make you afraid of killing time?”

“Mooch brought this up the other day. Was part of it. That and the quiet hours when Mom was depressed. Made the most of ’em. Realized my superpower could be knowledge so I wound up becoming an intellectual. Using my time to read and analyze, memorize things, develop opinions and taste. Didn’t need anyone else to accomplish it. Mooch told me I became the people I admired. Said I was, uh, ‘that bitch’!”

“Seems like you are that bitch, Adam. Quite an achievement. Isn’t she the one who said I was hot?”

“I bet she’s considered writing fan fiction about you.”

“Well, then. Anything coming up you’re looking forward to?”

“Seeing the Sarahs this month. People in their twenties are, uh…”

“As real as you are?”

“Well played. Try to keep an open mind about it all. They’re great. If I married one then the other, the monograms on the towels wouldn’t need to be changed. Just gotta remove the thread from the D in Sue’s old ones to accommodate either SC.”

“Monogrammed towels?! Shut the hell up! You get tired of people telling you you’re fuckin’ nuts?”

“Never!”

“What else?”

“Planning to go to the World Cup in Philly for my birthday. Eat a cheesesteak and get ridiculed for preferring it with Swiss. See Coltrane’s old house and pay my respects. A perfect day, at least in theory.”

“You and yer jazz. Don’t stop being you. And stop worrying about all the shit you can’t control. You’ll be fine. Life went on for a long time before we were here, and it will once we’re both gone.”

“Like plethora, that means a lot. Meant to say your teeth look great.”

“You do get a few wishes granted at the end. Made sense to fix ’em. Bet your mother still brings up, how should I say this, how ‘unpleasant’ they were.”

“To be fair, she’s not wrong. Then again, her second husband’s chompers weren’t any better. Maybe she can’t see teeth like some people can’t see skin color?”

“Get outta here! Well, buddy, I don’t have any other big farewell messages for you.”

“That’s fine. Should I read the Frost poem Jim recited in the eulogy?”

“You’re a poetry guy. Pick something new for us.”

“Would ‘This Be The Verse’ be too much?”

“I mean…”

“How about ‘Sad Steps’?”

“Also Larkin?”

“Look at you.”

“You can’t.”

“Where’d you learn Larkin?”

“Some other smartass was reciting it a few years back. Not bad.”

“Well, here goes…”

“Apt choice. You’re a realist and a dreamer. Stay on that pendulum, pal.”

“Proud of you for that alliteration.”

“My reverse birthday gift to you.”

“So, should we make this a habit?”

“Up to you. Won’t be mad to see your shiny scalp approach the pulpit.”

“Now you’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“Okay, fine, you got a little bit of it from me.”

“Still cash only at the diner. Can you believe that?”

“Good for them. Grab a copy of the Courant for the other half of the booth. Put the sports page on top, though.”

“Only place to start when reading the paper.”

“Cherish the day, guy. You and your imagination have work left to do.”

“Be back to report my findings. You know Colin Firth?”

“The British actor?”

“Yeah.”

“What about him?”

“Monday is May 4th. So, may the Firth be with you.”

“Shut up. Before you go…”

“Uh-huh?”

“Tap the top of the tombstone twice. For good luck.”

“Done.”

“I know. Rattled the cage a bit. Time for a nap, hold the dirt.”

“Can get punchy from down there, even?”

“Best to get going before it gets weirder. Not to scare you. You’d get too addicted to the thrill.”

“Same time next year?”

“If I’m not here, you really fucked up.”

“Love ya.”

“You too, buddy. Avoid the bees!”

“Gonna send ’em all your way, sweet pea. Keep the flowers fresh while the birds are chirpin’.”

“The birds and the bees? Get outta here before my imagination goes crazy.”

“Enjoy that visual, old man. Happy Birthday! Toodles, Rich!”

“Idiot.”